


Spirits

by ranvirn47



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Getting Together, Ghost!Cole, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, One Shot, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24412549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranvirn47/pseuds/ranvirn47
Summary: Jay wakes up in the middle of the night during a storm and finds Cole awake and sitting at a window. Cole reveals a lot of personal things to him. Will Jay reveal something deeply personal to him as well?-kinda sad, read the tags, there's a happy ending :)
Relationships: Cole/Jay Walker
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	Spirits

It wass midnight, and raining hard. The ninja and everyone else were asleep. Except for one ninja.

That ninja was the ninja of Earth. He was sitting at the window of their room, as he'd been ever since he saw that the ninja were asleep. Then the rain started. He sat and watched the rain kick off and become heavy quickly. 

Then one particular flash of lightning flashed and a loud clap of thunder came after, waking a second ninja. The ninja of lightning. This happened often during a lightning storm, as if there was a sort of connection between them that caused him to awaken whenever it happened. 

He'd usually fall asleep right after, so it didn't bother him much. However, as he turned to rest again, he heard something that wasn't usual in his ‘wake up during lighting’ routine. It sounded like... crying. 

He sat up slowly, and looked around for the source. It was Cole. He was sitting at the window, his head leaning on the frame as he stared outside. From where Jay was, he could see him trembling slightly, making quiet sniffing sounds. 

It wasn't often that you'd see the ninja of Earth cry. The sight startled Jay. So for a bit, he just stared at him, wondering if he was perhaps dreaming. It wouldn't be his first time dreaming of him. However, it usually involved more romance and less crying.

He quickly realized that this was not a dream when suddenly, the rain picked up with another resounding clap of thunder. Jay heard the wind begin to whistle and heard Cole make a painful hissed sound. 

That instantly brought Jay wide awake. He got up quickly, and walked towards Cole, who had moved his head away from the window frame after the wind had sprayed droplets of water onto him. 

"Cole," he whispered, not wanting to wake the other ninja. Cole kept his eyes traced on the storm happening outside, though he'd obviously heard him, because he bit his lip and forced away his silent sobbing.

Jay went to sit with Cole on the other end of the window frame. From there, he could see Cole's eyes, glassy yet void of tears. He could see the sadness in them, something that was visible even without any tears present.

"Cole, you shouldn't stand so close to the window. It's raining really hard. You know that water can ki- hurt you. Very badly."

Cole was silent. He continued to stare outside the window for a few more seconds, before finally speaking. "Does it matter if it kills me if being a ghost is already considered being dead?"

Jay's heart stopped. Had he heard correctly? "W-What are you saying?"

"What if I want it to hurt me?" he turned to face Jay, locking eyes with him as he said so. 

"N-No!" He looked around, to see if the others had heard his sudden outburst. They kept on sleeping. He turned back to Cole. "No you don't. _I_ don't!" he said, barely managing to keep his voice down to a whisper. 

Cole just sighed deeply in response and went back to staring outside the window. "Did I wake you?"

"No. It was the rain. Cole, what's wrong?" Jay asked worriedly. He'd never seen Cole like this before and it was freaking him out. 

"Nothing's wrong."

" _Something's_ wrong. You were crying just now." Jay's words became more urgent as he went on. "And you're just sitting here, in the middle of the night, in front of the rain!"

"I couldn't sleep. I wasn't crying-"

"I _heard_ you-"

"Dammit Jay, I can't even fucking cry properly!" Cole interrupted, shocking Jay silent. "I can't even fucking cry." His voice cracked as he cursed, sounding utterly weak. He covered his face with one hand and let out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you like that."

Jay frowned. "Cole. Talk to me. Please."

He sighed again. "I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see me like this." 

"You don't have to apologize Cole."

"Yeah, I know. I'm so-" he winced. "I'm...Jay, I-I don't want to live. Not like this. Not as a ghost. I can't."

Jay's eyes widened in fear. "What? But I thought you were all good with your ghost body now. It's been months since you- What happened?"

"I'm just like this Jay. I-" he hesitated. "I have a... history. Of depression."

Jay gasped quietly. "You've never told us that."

"That's because I didn't want you guys to know. There's a stigma that comes with it and, well, it wasn't affecting me as much as it used to, so I kept it hidden." He wrapped his arms tightly around himself, as if to make himself appear smaller. "It developed when I was young. With the death of my mom and the absence of my father. His high expectations of me, to follow in his footsteps. I went to therapy, took medication. I stopped once I ran away from that performing arts school that he made me go to. I forged _so_ many doctors notes." He laughed drily. 

"Why is it happening _now_ though? What triggered it?"

"Nothing. It comes and goes, Jay. That's just how it works with me. Sometimes my thoughts get the best of me. I had a particularly bad night yesterday..." he trailed off. He had a panicked look to his eyes, as if recalling every detail from what had happened. 

Jay placed a hand on his thigh, to try and bring him some comfort. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Cole shook his head. "It's nothing. I just thought about... a lot of things at the same time. This ghost thing... I'm not the only one who's not a fan of it."

"What do you mean?" Jay narrowed his eyes. "Did someone say something to you?"

"It's nothing personal Jay. The people of Ninjago. Some of them, they give me these looks. I saw a mother pull her children away when she saw me in the streets one day. There are so many people that are afraid of me. That's not even the worst of it. One guy threw a glass of water at me."

"Why didn't you tell us this?" Jay asked incredulously. "We would've done something about it!"

"You can't just change someone's mindset like that. They know who I am. They saw all of us defeat Morro. They just see a ghost and assume the worst. They're kind of right for it too, after what happened..."

"It's not fair for you to have to go through that, Cole. You're not like those ghosts, they should be able to see that!"

Cole smiled weakly. "I wish more people thought like you, Jay."

Jay smiled back. 

Cole's smile quickly faded though. "I haven't visited my father in awhile. I'm worried at how he'll react to seeing how I am now. I mean, you saw how he reacted when I told him I was a ninja instead of a performer like he wanted me to be. He did the same when I came out to him as gay when I knew how much he wanted grandchildren. He doesn't do very well with change."

"You're gay?" Jay regretted the question as soon as he said it. 

Cole snorted. "Yes Jay. Another adjective for the growing list. I'm a gay, depressed ghost ninja. How's that for a resumé?"

Jay cringed. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Yeah it's alright. I was just trying to make a joke."

"I mean, to make things even, I guess it's an appropriate time to tell you that I'm gay too. Well I prefer pansexual, but that's not important right now."

Cole gave him a look, one that Jay didn't know how to decipher as. He spoke almost inaudibly, "I knew it was going to rain. I saw the forecasting during the day. I was going to go outside while you all slept and I was going to wait for the rain to come. But I didn't."

"Cole..." Jay gulped at the thought of what would've happened if he had. "What stopped you?" 

"You did Jay," he said quietly. 

"Me...?" 

"I knew I had so much to lose if I did. A part of me thought that didn't matter. That I was going to lose everything anyway because I was going to live forever. I thought I could end it sooner. Lose on my own accord, so I didn't have to witness any of it. But I didn't want to lose you. I didn't want to waste any chance I could to be with you."

"But why me? What's so special about me?"

Cole said nothing, but the look in his eyes said it all. _Oh_. "Cole?"

He could see Cole becoming more nervous by the second as the silence stretched on. So Jay decided to do something about it. 

He placed his hands on top of Coles, startling him as he looked down to see their hands intertwined. 

Cole made a noise in his throat, as if he was going to say something but it got caught as he did. He looked back into Jay's eyes and suddenly Jay knew. Knew what was about to happen. Knew what they both wanted. Knew what they both knew. 

Jay leaned forward, maintaining eye contact to see if Cole would have any hesitation or doubt in them. But there wasn't any. So he closed his eyes, and let Cole close the distance for them. 

It was a sweet kiss, one like he'd never had before. It was short, but he could feel the pent up love, from all this time he wished for this moment to happen, all in a seconds time.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Cole sporting the same expression he figured he had going as well. Jay giggled at the sight, causing Cole to break out into a large grin, the happiest Jay had seen him since the storm started. He pulled Cole into a tight hug, and felt Cole's strong embrace hold him back. 

"I love you Cole." 

He felt Cole's figure tremble underneath him, making him pull back to see what was wrong. Had he said it too soon?

He saw that Cole was crying again, but this time, he was smiling as well. 

"To think I could've lost all of this if I'd done what I was planning on doing."

"I don't even want to think about that." Jay turned to look out the window and saw that the storm had stopped, save for the drops of rain falling from the trees and rooftops. He held Cole's face in his hands and kissed him again, smiling as he did. 

Cole picked him up and placed him on his lap, still kissing him. Jay laughed as he did so, but then quieted when he remembered that the other ninja were asleep in the same room as them. "Cole. It's late, I think we should head to sleep." 

Cole continued to kiss Jay, moving them from his lips towards his neck. "I don't need sleep," he whined.

"But I do," Jay whined back, although he gave Cole another kiss on the lips to satisfy the both of them.

"Fine," he relinquished, allowing Jay to step off of his lap. Jay closed the window, even though the rain had stopped long ago. Mostly for his own comfort. He was still a bit shaken by the bomb of information Cole dropped on him earlier. He also started to worry, of what may happen when Jay goes back to sleep. Will those thoughts of his return? What if he considers doing something bad to himself again?

Cole looked to him in concern when he saw the worried look on his face. "What's up Jay?"

Jay frowned. "I guess I'm still kinda worried about you. Y'know, cause I'll be asleep and you'll be- I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't wanna seem like I'm babying you, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to leave someone alone in these situations."

Cole smiled bashfully. "I'm not alone. I'll wake you up if I start worrying myself, okay? I promise."

"Okay," Jay said, still sounding a bit unsure.

"Would it make you feel better if we slept in the same bed?

Jay's heart jumped. "Y-Yeah. Yeah it would."

Cole climbed into his bed first. To be closer to the wall, he explained. That way he'd have to get through Jay if he wanted to go somewhere.

Jay climbed in soon after, cuddling up closely to Cole. "Does this remind you of something?"

Cole laughed quietly. "Yeah. Except this time it's _me_ inviting you into my bed for _your_ comfort."

"Oh how the turn tables," Jay joked, resting his head on Cole's chest.

They lay in comfortable silence. Cole whispered "I love you Jay."

"I love you too Cole."

**Author's Note:**

> Cole needs therapy and so do I 🤠 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment/kudos if you'd like to, they make me smile!└|°ε°|┐ I have other works that are more happy than this, if this isn't your cup of tea. <3
> 
> Soo this was inspired by an unfinished shitty fic I wrote when I was like 11 in a school notebook. If anyone wants to read the original and cringe [here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/16-Nhg9fTmOcWidZxVDn9EhdixusNXjdzJZldwknJh1E/edit?usp=drivesdk) it is. Come very far, don't you agree?


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